When that beautiful, thick envelope arrived in the mail, I felt a mix of total excitement and absolute dread. I loved my friend, but looking at her registry felt like looking at a foreign language I couldn’t afford to speak. I spent hours Googling things like “is fifty dollars too cheap for a wedding gift” and “will she hate me if I just buy the salad tongs.”
We have all been there. There is this weird, unspoken pressure around wedding gifting in America. We want to be the person who gives the perfect, meaningful gift that the couple uses for the next forty years. But we also have rent to pay, student loans to handle, and maybe three other weddings to attend in the same summer. It feels like a math equation where the variables are constantly shifting.
The truth is that there is no magical, one size fits all number. The “rules” your grandmother followed are different from the rules your boss follows, and they are definitely different from what you see on TikTok. If you are stressing about the dollar sign on that check or the price tag on that blender, take a breath. Here is a realistic, non-judgmental breakdown of how to figure out what to spend without breaking your bank account or your friendships.
1. Debunking the “Cover Your Plate” Myth
You have probably heard this one before. The old school rule says you should figure out how much the couple is spending on your dinner and drinks, then give a gift that equals that amount.
Honestly, it is time to let this rule die. For one thing, how are you supposed to know what they spent? Are you supposed to call the caterer and ask for the per-head cost of the filet mignon? It also makes the wedding feel like a business transaction rather than a celebration. If a couple chooses to have a lavish, five hundred dollar per person gala at a museum, they shouldn’t expect their guests to foot the bill. Conversely, if they have a casual backyard barbecue, you shouldn’t feel like you only owe them twenty bucks. A gift is a gesture of love, not a reimbursement for your meal.
2. The Baseline Numbers (A General Guide)
While every situation is unique, it helps to have a starting point. If you are looking for a ballpark figure that fits most standard American weddings in 2026, here is what the averages look like:
- Distant relative or casual co-worker: 75 to 100 dollars.
- Friend or typical relative: 100 to 150 dollars.
- Close friend or immediate family: 150 to 200 dollars plus.
If you are attending as a couple, these numbers usually represent your total gift. If you are a bridesmaid or in the wedding party, you might actually spend a little less on the final gift because you have already dropped a fortune on the dress, the bachelorette party, and the bridal shower. Most brides understand that your presence and your participation are a huge gift in themselves.
3. Consider Your Own Financial Reality
This is the most important part of the entire article. Do not go into debt to buy a wedding gift. A true friend would be horrified to know that you skipped your car payment or skipped a week of groceries just to buy them a fancy espresso machine.
If you are in a season of life where money is tight, it is okay to give what you can. A fifty dollar gift given with a heartfelt, handwritten card is worth so much more than a two hundred dollar gift given with resentment. If you truly can’t afford a gift from the registry, consider a sentimental gift that costs less but means more, like a framed photo of the couple or a hand-knitted blanket. People remember how you made them feel, not the balance of their Venmo account.
4. The “Plus One” Factor
If you were invited with a plus one and you are bringing a date who doesn’t really know the couple, the financial burden usually falls on you. You shouldn’t expect your boyfriend of three months to chip in fifty percent of a wedding gift for your college roommate.
However, bringing a second person does mean you are taking up two spots at the table. If your budget allows, it is polite to bump your gift up slightly to acknowledge that the couple is hosting both of you. If you were going to give 100 dollars alone, maybe try to give 150 dollars as a pair. Again, this isn’t a strict rule, but it is a nice gesture if you have the means.
5. Destination Weddings and Extra Costs
The rules change when you have to fly across the country, book a hotel for three nights, and take time off work. Destination weddings are a massive financial commitment for guests.
Most couples who host destination weddings understand that their guests are spending thousands of dollars just to be there. In these cases, your “presence is the present” is often a very real sentiment. If you are already spent out on airfare, a smaller gift or a very nice card is perfectly acceptable. You have already invested a lot of resources to show your support, and that doesn’t go unnoticed.
6. When to Send the Gift
There is an old myth that you have a full year after the wedding to send a gift. While technically true according to some etiquette books, it is a bit of a stretch in the modern world.
The best practice is to send the gift as soon as you get the invitation or within a month after the wedding. If you wait six months, it looks like an afterthought. Plus, sending it early via the registry means one less thing for you to remember and one less thing for the couple to keep track of during their honeymoon phase. If you are bringing a check to the wedding, make sure it is in a secure card and put it in the designated card box as soon as you arrive so it doesn’t get lost on the dance floor.
7. Cash vs. Registry Items
In recent years, “Honeyfund” registries and cash funds have become incredibly popular. Some people feel that giving cash is “tacky,” but I am here to tell you that most modern couples actually prefer it.
Many couples are already living together before they get married. They don’t need a toaster or a second set of towels. They need help with a down payment on a house or a dinner on their honeymoon in Italy. If the couple has a cash fund set up, don’t feel guilty about using it. It is what they actually want. If you feel weird about just sending a number, write a note in the digital gift box saying something like, “Can’t wait for you guys to have a beautiful dinner on the beach with this!” It makes the cash feel more like an experience.
Final Thoughts
At the end of the day, a wedding is a celebration of a relationship, not a fundraiser. If you are lucky enough to have friends and family who want you there, it is because they value your company.
Don’t let the “etiquette” of gifting steal the joy of the celebration. Pick a number that feels generous but responsible for your current life. Sign the card with a message that actually means something. Then, put the money stuff out of your mind and go have a glass of champagne with your friends. That is what they will actually remember.
